Ask Tasha

Ask Tasha by: Tasha Brown



My question this month comes from my best friend Kendra. I've known her since she was 15 and that was over 12 years ago. After fighting cancer for a year, she passed away two weeks ago surrounded by her family.

     Her question came sometime after I had my third child Domanik. To date it has been the hardest question for me to answer. We were playing rummy and drinking tea, just having a heart to heart. All of a sudden she got real quiet and started to silently cry. She put her cards down and I froze. When Kendra looked up at me the tears spilled out of her eyes and down her cheeks. I had never seen her cry so hard before. I didn't say anything, I just waited for her.

     After a minute or so she said, "I just don't understand? Why won't God give me a baby? No offence or anything but you have 3 and you're a single mom, so why can't God just give me 1?"


     She was totally serious and I was totally shocked. She wanted an answer. My heart sank. She was looking at me like I really had the answer. Like somehow the next words out of my mouth would make her tears stop. Kendra was hurting in a way I couldn't imagine.

     I looked down at the puddle forming on the table and I thought for a second what my life would be like without my 3 beautiful children. Boring. Lonely. Quiet. Colorless. Sad. Meaningless. Empty.

     At that moment I knew why her heart was breaking. It had a small hole in it that only a sense of purpose and belonging could fill. Most parents feel those things. Kendra wanted to hold a baby and see part of her in those features. She needed to be loved and wanted in the unconditional way children can. She wanted the hand full of dandilions and school made card demanding that she have a Happy Mother's Day because she's " The bestist Mum in the hole wurld."

     In all the years I've known Kendra, she's always wanted to be a mother. She had a passion for loving all children God brought across her path. How could I tell her I didn't know? I'm sure she'd heard that a million times by other people. She didn't need to hear empty words from her best friend, or have me feel sorry for her.

     I'm a firm believer in God knows what He's doing. Kendra didn't have a baby because that wasn't in the plans for her life at that moment. God had blessed Kendra with compassion and humor, beauty and patience, brains and resilience, as well as a love for cartoons. He didn't give her those qualities for no reason.

     Lot's of people can have kids, and I don't know why God brought me 3, but I have faith that this is the way my life is supposed to go. Many people don't have children but they would really love one. That doesn't mean they'll never have kids or are blessed any less. It says in the Bible if you ask for something in God's name, God will give it to you (Matt 7:7 ish).

The fine print people often forget to read says you'll get it when He says.

     I knew how to answer her question. I put my hands on hers, and spoke to her soul. "Kendra, God doesn't need all women to be mother's right away. He want's some of them to be Aunties first."

     We both smiled because she knew I was asking her to be an aunt to my children. They didn't have one before and now they did. After that she was the best aunt a kid could ever ask for, with endless sleep overs, movies, slurpee runs and trips to the beach. Not to mention the bandaids, the snuggles, and the cards made from school.

     There is no doubt in my mind where Kendra is today. She is up there taking care of all the children who are waiting for their parents. And they are picking her handfulls of dandilions.


     Forever missed and Forever remembered          Aunt Kendra



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